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Drive my soul

Another triggering blog from a nobody in England.

Aspiring Magician and Mentalist

savodraws:

Summer nights. 
Anonymous: Hey you seem like you're struggling a lot? Please don't ever end your life, you have so much to come trust me and even if you don't see that right now I promise one day you will feel happy that you never ended it! You have nothing to lose, please keep fighting beautiful! You're such an inspiration💖

Thank you for taking time out of your day/evening to write this. Hope you’re well xx

Anonymous: Of you're afraid of getting amnesia you could make yourself a piece of paper that says your name, how old you are, where you live and an emergency number to call. You'll have to put it somewhere same that's on you at all times.

This made me smile xD

Everytime I go for a walk to clear my head, I wonder if i’ll make it back. Not because i’ll try to do something.. Because my mind is such a mess recently I forget who I am, where I am or what i’m doing. Walking infront of a car or falling down in childwall woods would probably be an accident.

Anonymous: If a guy that likes you hears you talking about another guy that isn't him it'll bother him. It's only natural. For example when the girl I like talks about another boy I get this feeling inside, like I'm getting upset or jealous. Eventually it goes away after she talks about something else or if I walk away.

Anon I met his family today.. I’m a psychology nerd, I know first impressions are important.. I was so nervous :,) but whoever you are, i owe you so much.. Thank you for everything you’re helping me with. I appreciate it so much! You’re amazing!

Im fucking things up before its even begun :,)
Josh came out with me an my mum tonight. We went outside so he could smoke and he asked me about Lee :(.
Lee was one of the first friends I made in Uni and we had a… Fling.. But we fell out and recently started talking again. We’re just friends but Josh overheard me talking about him to my friend at a gathering the other day..
I wont bore you with the details but you can see where this is going..
Josh said he trusts that we are just friends and I can talk to whoever I like and be friends with whoever I like but his gestures told a different story :/

Ohhhh Ashleigh, what’ve you done…

Anonymous: If you need to talk or feel like you're going to do something please contact me on kik Jry_Mart. I'll help the best I can, and I can distract you. I would give you my number, but you live in England and idk if you have an iPod.

If you’re the same anon from all of the previous messages, I thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Somebody who has been following my magic sketched me.. Wow
Anonymous: How do you know you're making him miserable? Have you asked? You're seeing the world as black and white. You either push him away to "protect" him or keep him to "protect" you, but there is a way you could do both. Give him a choice, talk to him. Open yourself up, and see if he accepts you. Tell him everything that you might do. Tell him your afraid that you'll get hurt or that you'll hurt him. Be truthful. Tell him you care about him, and you don't want to make him miserable.

What am I supposed to say anon? :,( hes going on holiday soon and I dont know if im going to be here when he gets back because every day it gets worse. The thoughts, the pain, disgust and hate.. Im trying as best I can but it never seems to be enough.